literature

Becoming Less

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veritas08's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

Do we live because of love, or do we live to be loved,
Because life is a broken heart.
At some point in life we shatter
And have to piece ourselves back together.

Or maybe our whole life we're broken.
Searching for our lost pieces.
Never to be complete.
Always to be missing.

Or to be grounded down
Into a million tiny pieces.
An impossible endeavor
Never to be put back together.

Which one am I?
Incomplete?
Beyond help?

I think not.
I'll find that piece.
I'll create something from those glass shards.

I won't bow down.
I won't be reduced.

I won't become
less...
I write what I want. I don't have to explain if I don't want to! XD

I think you get the idea. It's about hardships. And stuff. I don't know. I just write. What I want. When I want. :)
© 2012 - 2024 veritas08
Comments10
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intricately-ordinary's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

The start of the piece was absolutely perfect. By beginning with a strong question, and provoking thought, I was immediately roped in. I liked that you kept that consistent throughout the piece, by introducing new interesting thoughts or spinning old ones we all know to fit the purpose of the poem. I would've liked if you had tried to give it more depth, perhaps, by adding in similar provoking ideas directed at the same theme, that were a little different from the others. Because right after the first stanza, you stick with the "broken heart" idea. I feel there may have been other metaphors you could have explored, especially considering how greatly you demonstrated the idea of broken pieces.

I love the turnaround at the end. It made it different from other love lost poems by giving a sense of perseverance and hope. Although, the last two lines felt a little uncomfortable. I think it's indenting between the phrase, or maybe the ellipsis. It sounded as though you were backing down from what you just said.

Overall, great job!